11 years earlier
A younger me runs through a field of wildflowers with the girl of my dreams. Suddenly I fall backwards, she playfully tackled me. I caress her cheek with one of my long hands, and she melts into it, closing her beautiful blue eyes.
I felt my stomach clench nervously, as it always does before I lean in to kiss her. Our lips touch and I feel electricity course through my veins. What is this amazing girl doing to me? I pull away and see her contented smile. She falls back back into the flowers, eyes closed, enjoying the last rays of sunshine before the night sets in.
"Harley?" I could hear the nervousness plainly in my own voice.
"Yes, J?" She opened her eyes, the sun glinted off them like sapphires.
"Once in a couple of years, when I'm eighteen - would you run away with me?" I felt my breath hitch in my throat. Please say yes.
She started to giggle, and I sighed a lamentable sigh. I loved the sound, but I as afraid that it meant no.
"Oh Jason, you are so silly." She said breathlessly.
"Hate that name." I grumbled.
"Doesn't change it from being yours. And yes, J."
"Yes to what?"
"Running away with you, silly. But you already knew the answer was yes."
"No I didn't."
She flipped over and straddled my stomach, pinning me to the ground.
"You lie so bad. You had to know the answer was yes, you already asked me this question when we were kids. I said yes then, so why in the world would I be saying no now?" She fiercely crushed her lips to mine. Of course. How stupid of me. I felt my lips hook in a smile, of course she would say yes.
I sit up holding her arms so I wouldn't break the kiss, she threw her arms around me clinging to me, as if I would ever leave.
"I love you." I heard myself murmur against her lips. The words escaped my mouth before I could cull them, but I didn't regret saying them.
Harley pulled away from my mouth and moved her hands to cling to trying collar of my shirt.
"Do ya mean it? Do you really love me?" Hopefulness flooded her tone.
"Of course I do. Hmm I rather like the sound of that... 'I do'" I hooked one of my arms around her back and used the other to tap her nose and rest on her shoulder.
"I love you too J. You are my everything, my best friend, my only love, my universe." She bumped foreheads with me, and traced her nose down my jawline.
Oh the things this amazing girl can do to me.
One touch and my heart and skin are on fire.
One word and my whole world is set.
She is the only girl I have loved- and the only one I ever will.
I sat in the desolate cell and tried to dam back the sudden flood of memories.
What if she remembered too!
Oh god I couldn't let that happen.
I not only couldn't go back to being like that, but I wouldn't. I won't let myself. Joker suited me well. I was never truly Jason anyway.
If I ever manage to get off this damned island- which I know I will- I am gonna have to start the whole blocking process again. I blocked her out once... I could do it again.
Why did I ever choose her in the first place? Well the answer to that was simple. She lookers like a child. She looked like she could easily be broken, much like my previous therapist. Elaine Glenn. I snorted internally, god was she an easy one to break.
After I escaped Arkham the first time, all it took was a couple of threatening messages on her voice mail and a few cleverly placed red roses to have her hanging from the ceiling of her lonely apartment.
Or maybe its because you were already remembering, a little part of my brain screamed at me.
That could be possible, I mused. Recently I discovered that one of my shoe boxes full of old photographs, that were of me and Harley, had been tipped over onto my makeshift bed and looked through.
None seemed to be missing, but deep in my gut I felt a pang of nervousness wash through me, I knew that some had to be missing.
"Stop it. Just stop it." I tell myself out loud.
I didn't feel like that anymore, hell, I didn't even have feelings anymore.
The cell door swung open and smacked loudly into the metal-plate wall. It was her- the one in my memories, and the one who I call therapist.
"Hello, Mister Joker." Her blue eyes stared at me with such intensity, that they almost glowed.
I was captivated, like a tiny bird caught in a viper's stare.
The next thing I was aware of, was that she was sitting on my lap sideways, clinging to my shoulders, and kissing me like there was no tomorrow.
But, as soon as I open my eyes its all gone. I bury my face in my hands and collapse on the bed.
Damn. I am nuts.